Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Case of the Ex (Part 2)

"Im back in Manila, wanna grab some coffee?"

I read his sms from the previous night and I was surprised to know he asked me out.

I immediately looked at my sent messages and trying to remember how I replied to his text.

I said ok. I set it up this Friday...

Looking at my closet that Friday morning, I was wondering what to wear going to work. I need to wear something nice, or should I? I mean, I don’t need to impress him right? I keep talking to myself that time.

I chose to stay simple and uninviting. (I wore jeans and tshirt that day since its dressdown) I dont want to wear something extravagant that would make him think that im trying to impress him, or something revealing that would make him think that I am trying to seduce him.

The whole day at school, I was trying to think and practice what to say, or how would I react on whatever he does to me. My students were having the usual weekend self check when I got another message from him.

“So, later? 6 pm, usual place?” his message says.

I immediately replied saying yes, I will be there. I was psyched. The love of my life, finally after almost five months of not seeing each other, I will have a chance to meet again maybe for the last time.

It was really in my plan to eliminate him in my life. I loved the man so much and I know that I will always be loving him for the rest of my life. I can never reject the thought that he will always be that special man I have loved first and I have given my womanhood wholeheartedly.

Planning, probably the very last time that I will see him is not easy. Leaving a mark in his life wouldn’t be a walk in the park. I wanted to have my thoughts in his mind as we part ways. I wanted to make him understand that I am the person that he shouldn’t have let go.

I was driving on my way to the coffee shop that evening when thoughts of our relationship came passing by. How I wanted him to be introduced to my ever judgemental but loving family, how I wanted to bear his child even though he named it Prince King Don Ahrem Villanueva to the Nth power (since he said he wanted his kid to be called PAKDA and that he doesn’t want the Jr or the III at the end of the kids name), how I wish to carry his own surname and me called Mrs. Georgia Santillan Villanueva, and how I love to be with him for the rest of my life.

It has to stop and it has to end. I know that I should have done that for a long time but I guess that letting go is a process and process takes time.

I am happy to see him though. I was thinking, did he bring anything for me from his trip? Kahit na man lang piaya or napoleones? Or will he just still wanted to be with me for him to feel like I still have feelings for me and that he wanted to hear me beg for his love again.

My questions will be answered in a minute. I arrived at the place. Then I saw him waiting for me in front of the coffee shop’s foyer.

The glow in his eyes is still the same, the eyes that I have fell inlove with, the eyes that still I think is the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life. I love him, I still do.

“You look stunning” he told me as I approach him. I smiled back having thought that this was the first time I have ever heard him compliment me.

“Thanks Hon”. I replied with a smile.

He held my hands and knew that he is still the person that makes me feel that way. He is still the one, the only one that makes my heart beat like that.

It just occurred to me, this was the first place we went out for a date. This was the first place we went to as a couple. This was the first place that we said we loved each other. The first place I thought that he was the one.

The night was cold, but my emotions were flushed with warm memories of us together. He held my hands as we listen to the new house tracks he have on his ipod. We talked about the new songs that we thought was amazing, we shared things about parties and politics and current events, the things that we really usually talk about. The things that we thought were important and relevant. We think alike. Same wavelength.

The night was coming to an end. I looked into his eyes and find the courage to ask.

“hey do you have a girlfriend now?” I nonchalantly asked him.

“C’mon Hon you know I don’t have one. Why did you ask me that anyway?” he replied.

“well, coz I do. I do have a boyfriend and he loves me so much and I feel like I am everything for him” I blurted out.

Where the hell did it come from?! What the hell did I just told him? I was stuttering as I said that.

I looked into his eyes and I know he also did went blank. He wasn’t expecting that kind of statement from me.

“and my boyfriend asked me not to talk to you anymore” I added.

“but why?” he declined. I know deep in his thoughts he was thinking why the hell did I get into a relationship.

“he is very much jealous about you.” Yes I still have tried to make him understand that he is the most special person for me even if I told him that I am in a relationship.

“Jerico, lets call it quits. We need to stop communicating, we need to stop seeing each other, we need to let go of each other.” Yes, there. I have ended it. The statement that will pushed him away.

And I know right then and there, it did.

Followed by minutes of silence, I thought why did I tell him that? Why did I push him away? I love him so much, no words can explain and yet I did push him away. Maybe that was a perfect moment. The moment that I should have had for a long time.

He walked me towards my car. I was happy to see him, thought my eyes are filled with tears of sadness for I will probably see him for the last time.

“I love you” I uttered.

“I love you too.” He answered back. Then he kissed me.

The sweetest kiss I have ever had from him. I guess a genuine one among the other kisses I got from him.

I drove my way home blinded by tears of sorrow. He said he loves me. Then why not be with me? Be mine for the rest of our lives? Why not?


michymichymoo said...

Sad naman. :(

kay said...

because sometimes even when they love us, even when they say they want to be with us, they do not have enough courage to actually go through with it and we are better off without them ... we need to be with someone who wants to be with us.

jssica wabbitty said...

I know my love, and simple reality is actually the most painful.But life must go on, and we must not dwell in the past. Something that was not given to us is definitely something that we dont deserve.