Friday, July 29, 2011

Beer-nes (The beer fridays sessions) - Part 1

My love for beers grew fonder and fonder as I get older and as I get exposed to the drinking culture influenced by my bestfriend Stephen. Earlier than discovering that the two of us are capable of falling in love (we both had our 1st relationships when we were 23), drinking beer has been one of the best solace-provider for us both.

Growing up seeing different kinds of brewski from different parts of the world (as contributed by my dad's philia of beer), my love for this actually sprang up.

Anyway, enough about the talk. Lets get it on!

I aint a beer connoisseur so dont expect a kickass beer review from me. :D All I want is to share my love for beer and for people to know that there are a lot of fun beers out there!

Let me start off my 1st Beer-ness sessions with today's featured beers:

1. SanMig Light
2. Warsteiner Premium Verum
3. Stella Artois

SanMig Light:
Type - Pale Pilsen
Alcohol content - 5%
Aha! thought: Juvenile drunk-"kuno" parties

Low calorie Pale Pilsen that is very popular among the trying hard, under aged kids in bars around the metro. Haha! Seriously, this beer is very big among the beer drinkers here in the Philippines. Very affordable and readily available in bars, restaurants and sari-sari stores. Mass-produced beer that is very common to all Pinoy beer drinkers. Come on, im sure almost all of my readers have sampled this.

Personally, I do enjoy gulping down a bottle or two of this light beer. Refreshing with its faint alcohol scent, this beer is very woman-friendly.

Warsteiner Premium Verum
Type: Pilsner
Alcohol content - 4.8%
Aha! Thought: Warm spring day at the park.

Warsteiner is one of the most popular brewers from Germany. Their Premium Verum variety is the one we most likelywill see in our local supermarkets because its one of their best selling beer. Packaging is very simple yet sophisticated. Having a sip of the pale golden beer, I can taste its sweet fruity flavor followed by a bitter aftertaste. It was also fun to know that the brewing water used for this is actually forest water. Coolness! In general, I pretty much had fun having this beer. Light and pleasing for my taste. I did enjoy the fact that I was able to found distinct sweet and fruity flavors in every gulp. I can basically compare it to a warm spring day at the park. :)

Stella Artois
Type: Pale Lager
Alcohol content: 5%
Aha! thought: A date that I am excited about, only to find out that the guy is a bore. :(

The "Belgian Budweiser" as what they say or as for me the "Belgian San Miguel beer" since this brand somewhat have the same reputation locally with San Miguel (however, Stella Artois is a pale lager compared to San Mig which is pale pilsen). I find this beer a little bland and boring. Its a little flat for me and I even think that it has no after flavor at all. Was actually a bit dissapointed coz I was actually very excited to sample this since Ive read so much about this beer and thought its very chic. Taste for me is actually very far from chic. I say its a uber conventional.

Chowed down some of this great textured Pringles Multi Grain chips Cheese Flavor! Splendid!

Till next Friday! PROST!

For more Beer-ness Fridays posts, just click THIS. :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Case of the Ex (Part 2)

"Im back in Manila, wanna grab some coffee?"

I read his sms from the previous night and I was surprised to know he asked me out.

I immediately looked at my sent messages and trying to remember how I replied to his text.

I said ok. I set it up this Friday...

Looking at my closet that Friday morning, I was wondering what to wear going to work. I need to wear something nice, or should I? I mean, I don’t need to impress him right? I keep talking to myself that time.

I chose to stay simple and uninviting. (I wore jeans and tshirt that day since its dressdown) I dont want to wear something extravagant that would make him think that im trying to impress him, or something revealing that would make him think that I am trying to seduce him.

The whole day at school, I was trying to think and practice what to say, or how would I react on whatever he does to me. My students were having the usual weekend self check when I got another message from him.

“So, later? 6 pm, usual place?” his message says.

I immediately replied saying yes, I will be there. I was psyched. The love of my life, finally after almost five months of not seeing each other, I will have a chance to meet again maybe for the last time.

It was really in my plan to eliminate him in my life. I loved the man so much and I know that I will always be loving him for the rest of my life. I can never reject the thought that he will always be that special man I have loved first and I have given my womanhood wholeheartedly.

Planning, probably the very last time that I will see him is not easy. Leaving a mark in his life wouldn’t be a walk in the park. I wanted to have my thoughts in his mind as we part ways. I wanted to make him understand that I am the person that he shouldn’t have let go.

I was driving on my way to the coffee shop that evening when thoughts of our relationship came passing by. How I wanted him to be introduced to my ever judgemental but loving family, how I wanted to bear his child even though he named it Prince King Don Ahrem Villanueva to the Nth power (since he said he wanted his kid to be called PAKDA and that he doesn’t want the Jr or the III at the end of the kids name), how I wish to carry his own surname and me called Mrs. Georgia Santillan Villanueva, and how I love to be with him for the rest of my life.

It has to stop and it has to end. I know that I should have done that for a long time but I guess that letting go is a process and process takes time.

I am happy to see him though. I was thinking, did he bring anything for me from his trip? Kahit na man lang piaya or napoleones? Or will he just still wanted to be with me for him to feel like I still have feelings for me and that he wanted to hear me beg for his love again.

My questions will be answered in a minute. I arrived at the place. Then I saw him waiting for me in front of the coffee shop’s foyer.

The glow in his eyes is still the same, the eyes that I have fell inlove with, the eyes that still I think is the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life. I love him, I still do.

“You look stunning” he told me as I approach him. I smiled back having thought that this was the first time I have ever heard him compliment me.

“Thanks Hon”. I replied with a smile.

He held my hands and knew that he is still the person that makes me feel that way. He is still the one, the only one that makes my heart beat like that.

It just occurred to me, this was the first place we went out for a date. This was the first place we went to as a couple. This was the first place that we said we loved each other. The first place I thought that he was the one.

The night was cold, but my emotions were flushed with warm memories of us together. He held my hands as we listen to the new house tracks he have on his ipod. We talked about the new songs that we thought was amazing, we shared things about parties and politics and current events, the things that we really usually talk about. The things that we thought were important and relevant. We think alike. Same wavelength.

The night was coming to an end. I looked into his eyes and find the courage to ask.

“hey do you have a girlfriend now?” I nonchalantly asked him.

“C’mon Hon you know I don’t have one. Why did you ask me that anyway?” he replied.

“well, coz I do. I do have a boyfriend and he loves me so much and I feel like I am everything for him” I blurted out.

Where the hell did it come from?! What the hell did I just told him? I was stuttering as I said that.

I looked into his eyes and I know he also did went blank. He wasn’t expecting that kind of statement from me.

“and my boyfriend asked me not to talk to you anymore” I added.

“but why?” he declined. I know deep in his thoughts he was thinking why the hell did I get into a relationship.

“he is very much jealous about you.” Yes I still have tried to make him understand that he is the most special person for me even if I told him that I am in a relationship.

“Jerico, lets call it quits. We need to stop communicating, we need to stop seeing each other, we need to let go of each other.” Yes, there. I have ended it. The statement that will pushed him away.

And I know right then and there, it did.

Followed by minutes of silence, I thought why did I tell him that? Why did I push him away? I love him so much, no words can explain and yet I did push him away. Maybe that was a perfect moment. The moment that I should have had for a long time.

He walked me towards my car. I was happy to see him, thought my eyes are filled with tears of sadness for I will probably see him for the last time.

“I love you” I uttered.

“I love you too.” He answered back. Then he kissed me.

The sweetest kiss I have ever had from him. I guess a genuine one among the other kisses I got from him.

I drove my way home blinded by tears of sorrow. He said he loves me. Then why not be with me? Be mine for the rest of our lives? Why not?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jazz Listen to This.

Perfect tunes to listen to this great rainy Tuesday evening.

My top 10 jazz tracks of all time.

1. Before you break my heart - Gene Dunlap
2. The Key to you - David Benoit
3. The two of us - Seawind
4. Hermosa Skyline - David Benoit
5. Is it you? - Lee Ritenour
6. Do you love me - Clair Marlo
7. I just want to hang around you - George Benson
8. Breezin' - George Benson
9. Send me one line - Spyro Gyra
10. Roomful of Mirrors - Hiroshima

Now all I need is a bottle of Pinot Noir and someone to cuddle with. :)

The Case of the Ex (Part 1)

I sleep text. I have this sickness that no matter how sleepy I am and no matter how deep my sleep is, as long as my cellphone beeps and I receive an sms, I would definitely have to read it.Nothing new as for last night.

I woke up early this Friday morning doing my usual review of the previous nights sent and received text messages. I was stunned with what I read. My ex sent me a message last night! My dear ex boyfriend whom I havent seen for such a long time. I scrolled down my sent messages. Yeah I did replied. Part of it says I missed him. Dang, silly me to say that.

While having the coldest shower Ive ever had for a long time, ( yeah, me and my housemates cannot afford a water heater) I thought about what happened to me and Jerico.

I met him while shopping for shoes about a year ago. I needed a size 9, and the shoes im fitting is terribly small for my big foot. He overheard me say, "peste naman kasing paa to parang barko". He wasnt able to stop himself from laughing at what I said, followed by his uncontrolable desire to ask for my number. I was so smitten by how confident he is when he talks. He is so witty and smart and he's got the sexiest eyes ive ever seen! Yeah I did give out my number, and yeah we went out to get coffee right after I purchased that red, size 9 stilettos.

That wasnt the last time we went out to have coffee or to eat dinner. It became constant right after he admitted to me that he likes me alot. ( yeah I know I sound easy, well yeah I guess I am really easy!) Well I like him alot too. Something get a hold of me to him. Our love for house music...

Nobody understands my music. I am a house music addict. I breathe, eat, sleep, house. I remember how we discovered both our love for it. I was driving in my car and I put on my favorite Hed Kandi album that time. I was stunned to hear him sing and how enthusiasticly he told me about the tracks in that album I told myself that he is the one. He is my soulmate.

We went out for a couple of months, I was happy to have him. Though we dont see each other that often, (because most of the time he is out of town for work), it felt like hes the one that will make me happy. The usual cliche people who are inlove thinks whenever they talk about their partners.

I thought that the harmonious relationship we had was endless. To my surprise, I woke up one morning feeling doubtful about it. Women's instinct should never be doubted. I was definitely right. Im feeling something terrible is going to happen.

I was shopping that time, the same place I met him. I was sending an sms to him asking him to come with me to shop that day but he refused saying he was very busy at work. I was badly missing him that time because we havent seen each other for almost a month because of his business trips. I was doing my retail therapy that time when I saw a familiar figure sitting across the restaurant table. Just like that, I feel butterflies in my stomach. It was Jerico. Sitting with another woman.

My first impulse is to text him and I did. I asked him where he is. I was in denial that he was the person I saw there but to my suprise, the guy I saw that time picked up his phone from the table and answered the sms I sent him. Yeah, same phone, I even saw the bag we both bought when we went out shopping one time. Confirmed. It was really him.

I was puzzled about this woman he is with. Well I thought it could be a business lunch but hell no! The woman he was with definitely doesnt look like someone he works with. (she was wearing the shiniest silver tshirt i have ever seen in my entire life, she looked like a walking hershey's kisses). Not that I am judging her, but wearing a shinny silver top resembling to a disco ball in the middle of a hot summer day? Come on now.

My phone beeped, it was an sms from him saying. "Hon, nasa office ako, grabe sobrang dami ng trabaho."

I was so furious that time. I then saw him held the womans hand. They were even laughing and looked very very happy.

I savagely, yet calmly approached him that time.

Busy in the office eh? I said.

He was surprised. Obviously i knew that he didnt know what to do.

What are you doing here? he furiously asked me. As if he has the right to be mad at me and as if it was my fault to have caught him cheating and lying to me.

I looked at the woman he was with. Ah, what a cheap bitch.

What are you doing here? I asked him, giving the question back.

He was speechless. I know at that moment he was thinking of coming up with a clever answer but his mind went blank. I know he was dumbfounded that time for he was guilty.

I choosed not to make a scene. I left without saying a word because I dont want to waste my energy into something that is not worth it. I was thinking that time, why should I bother letting him talk. The fact that he lied to me is a reason enough for him not to be trusted. I was so hurt and broken that time. I was driving home and tears are blinding me as I drive. He tried to call me that time. He sent an sms telling me he wanted to explain. I did not let him.

Days had passed after the incident and I was so broken. I havent heard anything from him. I was desperately waiting for him to call me, or send me a text message, or message me thru ym or my email, but there was none. I badly missed him but im badly pissed as well for what he did. Was I not good enough? Maybe not because he still needed another person to fill in my shortcomings as his partner.

I was crying day and night. I keep on telling myself that it is ok. Everything will be fine. Everything has its purpose. But I cant convince myself. I want him, I was missing him, I needed him. I am feeling empty without him.

A week has passed. Monday morning I remember, as I opened my mail, I saw a letter from him. I was estatic to open and read it. I was thinking we will get back together already. To my surprise, I received the most painful letter I have ever felt in my entire life.

It says:

I think its time for you to know how lucky you are to have become one of my girlfriends. You should be thankful you know. Hindi lang naman ikaw eh, wag kang mag alala. Marami kayo. 3 kayo dito sa Manila, 2 sa Cebu, 3 sa CDO. You have been a part of a team you ought to be proud off.

I never loved you. I never felt anything for you. The thing that we had was just a joke.


That bastard! How dare he tell me these things?!

I was in an outrage that time. That wasnt right. That was not suppose to happened. But it happened.

Confusion made its way into my mind. What will I do? How will I react? Will I send an email answering this? Will I just let him go. Will I tell him hurtful things as to get even with him?

Well, I didnt do it. I let it pass.

After what happened I choosed not to talk to him, not to communicate with him in any way. I choosed to forget him and move on with my life. But it seems like eternity. I was surprise to learn what love really is. I loved him very much and the more I stop myself from loving him, the more I felt restricted. The more I find it hard to move. All I ever wanted to do is to love him. I was hopefull everything will be well for the both of us. I prayed and asked God for him to love me back. I cant let go of him. I want him to be with me.

I decided to just let him back in.

We did not get back together but we decided to be friends, well maybe more than friends since it felt like I was still hopeful that we would get back together that time. I gave it a shot. I hoped and hoped and hoped that he would see the worth in me. I was always there for him, if he needed someone to talk to when he feel bad, when he needed someone to share his problems, when he whines about his family, about his work and about how unsatisfied he is with his life. I was there for him, supporting him, telling him that it will be ok, that I am there for him if he needed me. I was always on time if he needs me. I was hoping if I do that, he will realize that I am the one for him. Well of course I do that with all my heart because I was inlove with him, and I know that I will always be.

Months passed and I started to think that I have moved on. I was fine, feeling ok that we are like that. Simply friends.

Until one day, I had a surprise call from him.

My heart skipped a beat. Is this the time when he will tell me that he loves me? And that he regrets the time that he fooled me, left me and hurt me?

I answered the call enthusiastically. Until I heard him crying on the other end of the line.

I was surprised. Why on earth is he crying? Is he alright? Im dead worried about him that time.

He told me things like he was sorry about what he did to me. He realized that he is being punished for what he did in the past. He realized that he shouldnt have done those things. He said that I was a good person and I dont deserve to be treated like that. That he wanted to say something very important to me.

Tugs tugs tugs. My heart is beating really fast. Oh my gosh! Hes going to tell me he loves me! That he wants me back!

"Im inlove with someone. I love her so much and i know that she cannot love me back, nor she can never forgive me." he told me.

I was in ecstacy. He loves me!

"Her name is Belle, she's annuled, she has kids and she's older than me. I love her so much George, I know im being punished for all the things I had done before. Help me George, help me" He said.

Help you?. Gosh help you?! I keep on saying that in my mind. I wanted to blurt it out, i badly wanted to blurt it out. The I felt a strong stab in my chest. Yes I am in pain.

I thought it was me. I thought all the while he was inlove with me. No I was wrong. I was really really wrong. I cant even comprehend what he is saying that time. All I know is that I am in pain. I wanna cry that time, I wanna shout, I wanna die.

Days had passed after that time, I did nothing but cry. Did nothing but to pity myself. Did nothing but to think what could have been? Did nothing but to ask. Why not me?

I had to make a decision. I have to help myself get out from this mess. I have to do something, say something to myself that would make me feel ok, and I did.

Acceptance is the key.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Discovering JunkArt

This blog entry is actually long overdue. Hehe.

Last July 16, 2011, I was invited by my friend Jed to see the artworks of her Baguio friends from VOCAS entitled "Dumi mo, Sinalo ko" showcasing junk art which was displayed in Republikha Art Gallery in Quezon City. I was psyched to see the artworks of these new breed of artists since I am trying to explore some new ideas with regards to art.

I arrived a little early and saw the artists setting up their works. Good, so that I have time to catch up with Jed whom I havent seen for a long time after our Puerto Galera escapade a few months back. When other guests started to arrive, we decided to get in the gallery and join the artists. Upon entering the gallery, I was welcomed with a cup of "tapuy" (rice wine from Ilocos)which was actually my very first time to sample. Indeed a great drink! Never was I expecting it would taste as sweet and as pleasant as it is, but the alcohol's kick got into me after a good 30 mins. :D

I was taken away with the fact that these young people have come up with such splendid works of art coming from things that we throw away. Their vast imagination produces incredible artworks. I used to only admire contemporary art (i.e paintings, sculpture, etc) but never mixed media which in this case was being presented immensely.

Artists who participated in this event are some of the most talented young artists from Baguio including:

Kabunyan De Guia
Rommel Pidazo
Mariel Maliwanag
Oliver Olivete
Vince Navarro
Rochelle Bakisan
Rocky Cajigan
Laydeh Alberto
Kawayan De Guia
Kalawang Purisima
Carlo Villafuerte

And here are some of their works!

Here's me with one of the VOCAS artists with his artwork. :)

Indeed one great night of artistry. :)

The Quaker Oats Man and Datu Puti

Yesterday, while getting coffee in the kitchen, I saw a can of Quaker Oats and remembered how I used to be frightened of him when I was young. Haha! I mean come on, he is scary for a kid! (Well aside from the fact that I despise eating oatmeal since it resembles my cat morgana's barf)

Then I recalled how much time I spent looking at the Datu Puti vinegar man, trying to figure out how his head looked like. For me he resembles The Predator which is totally scary. Look at how similar they are!

Another thing that baffles me is the Reno liver spread logo. I cant seem to understand what is it. For me it looks like red caviar / salmon caviar and I was thinking whats the connection? As far as I know, liver spread is made from liver, thus the name.

Is it just me or are these logo's really weird?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

2 pcs Chickenjoy + extra rice. :)

Tapos na naman ang isang araw sa trabaho. Buti na lang wala si boss ngayong linggong to. Nakapag facebook tuloy ako buong araw. Mabait naman sya sa lahat ng empleyado, kaya lang minsan hind maintindihan ang mood. Isang araw papansinin maganda mong sapatos, sa susunod parang hindi ka kilala pag nagkakasalubong sa opisina. Sayang smile ko. Hindi sa hindi ko sya gusto, pero hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo ng tao na mahilig i-please ang lahat. Kung ayaw mo sakin, ayaw ko din sayo. Tapos ang usapan.

Teka nga muna, uwian na. Ayokong pag usapan ang trabaho. Biyernes nga pala ngayon. Walang pasok bukas. Hay, mga labada ko. Kelangan ko din mag linis ng kwarto. Pero sandali, Biyernes pa nga lang pala. Ayoko pang umuwi. Siguro i de-date ko na lang ulit sarili ko.

Date. Sawang sawa na ko dyan. Sa dami ba naman ng lalakeng naka date ko eh. Sabi nga ng kaibigan kong si Trixie, halos lahat na yata ng lalake sa Manila na date ko. Halos lahat na yata ng uri ng propesyunal na date ko. Doktor, abugado, pintor, engineer, I.T, meron pa nga nun walang trabaho eh, buti gwapo. Lahat na yata ng klase ng lalake na date ko, anak ng mayaman na umaasa sa magulang, breadwinner, single dad, ulila, etc etc. Nung isang taon mga, nag pang Ms. International ang beauty ko. Nandyang lumabas ako ng ilang beses kasama ng isang dentistang Turkish na nag ma-masteral ng Orthodontics sa isang college sa Maynila. Meron naman din Australyanong may maliit na advertising agency dito na paro't parito din mula Australia pa-Pilipinas. Medyo nagtagal din kaming lumabas labas nun nahuli. Parang sa pakiramdam ko nga medyo naging kami... O ako lang ba yun? Porener kasi eh. Hindi ko naman alam kung pano mga "da moobs" nila. Kung lalakeng Pilipino lang walang ka proble-problema. Gamay ko na mga "da moobs" nyang mga yan. Iisa eh. Parang iisa nag train sa kanila. O dahil kasi ilang lalakeng Pinoy na din naka date ko.

Ilang taon ding ganyan ako. Pagkatapos kasing mag hiwalay kami ng pinaka huli kong boyfriend, dahil sa masakit, napag desisyunan kong wag na munang sumubok ulit. Nakakatakot kaya. Sakit eh. Kaya date na lang muna. Aba, masayang makipag date ah! Biruin mo, lilibre ka na ng hapunan, ikaw pa mamimili kung saan at kung anong kakainin nyo. Syempre pili ka na ng mga klas. Nun minsang kumain kami sa Serendra sa The Fort (na sa tingin kong pang mayaman na lugar), me kinainan kami dung sosyal na sosyal na restoran, pag buklat ko ng menu, sobra namang mahal! Yung adobo na singkwenta pesos isang order sa karinderya, umabot ng tatlong daan kada order doon. Nanghinayang ako, pero ayus lang, sya naman nagbayad eh. Pagtapos nun, ihahatid ka pa sa bahay. Walang kahirap hirap. Magpapa cute ka lang, kakain, uupo sa kotse nya, ihahatid ka sa bahay, tapos. Shower na lang at tulog, tapos na araw mo.

Pero makalipas ng ilang dates, naisip kong nakaka pagod din pala.

Tape recorder. Kelangan ko nyan. Anung buo mong pangalan? San ka graduate? Ilang taon ka na? San ka nag ta-trabaho? Kelan last mong relasyon? Meron pa nga, sa totoo lang madalas, Kelan last na sex mo? Paulit ulit. Nakakapagod.

Madalas din sumasakit na binti ko kakasuot ng high heels. Syempre kailangan naman postura pag humarap sa date. Buhok ko, dapat laging maayos, kung kulot dapat laging bouncy, kung naka plantsa naman dapat walang tutsang. Dapat din i-check yun lipstick madalas. Baka meron nang kumapit sa ngipin. Turn off si date pag ganun.

Turn off si date. Yan ang sinasabi ko. Oo alam kong kelangan na magustuhan ka ng ka date mo. Pero dapat bang lagi na lang na sundin yung kasabihang "your best foot forward"? Pano kung yung "best foot" ko, hindi pala best para sa iba? Wala din. Pano kung yung "best foot" ko kakaiba sa taste ng lalake?

Kaya nga i de-date ko na lang sarili ko. Madalas dalas ko nang ginagawa to. Walang ka hasel-hassle. Hindi ako nag aalalang late ako. Kahit hindi ko i-set ng curlers buhok ko ok lang. Kahit hindi ako mag lipstick. Kahit naka tsinelas lang ako.

Hmmm, andito na pala ko. Daming nag de-date. Sweet nila. Haha!

Anung oras na ba? Ala-sais. Maaga pa pero parang kumakalam na sikmura ko. Ayan! Mag di-dinner na lang kami ng date ko. Atleast wala akong kahati sa pagkain. HIndi ako mahihiya kung 2 pcs ng Chickenjoy orderin ko. Hindi ako mahihyang umorder pa ng extra rice.

Sa ngayon masaya na kong ganito. Masaya naman talaga eh! Malaya akong gawin ang kahit na anung gusto kong gawin. Kahit mag Time Zone ako ok lang, walang mag iisip na isip bata ako. Kung gusto kong mag Mcdo ok lang, kung gusto kong mag Spiral, ok lang din.

Sana ganito na lang. Dadating ka din pala sa ganitong sitwasyon no? Na hindi ka na nag hahanap ng makaka partner. Na masaya ka nang mag isa. Na kuntento ka nang nagagawa mga bagay na gusto mo ng walang nag hihigpit at nag babawal sayo.


O dahil ba nasanay na lang ako na mag isa?

Siguro nga sanayan lang. Pero sana ganito na lang. Sana wag na ulit akong mag hanap ng mag aalaga, magmamahal at makaka appreciate sakin. Kasi dumating na din ako dyan eh. Pero, yun nga sanayan lang na wala. Sanay na. Ok na.

Pero ang totoo. Nakakatakot. Parang "calm before the storm".

Sana wala na kong makilalang magugustuhan ko. Kasi mag baback to zero ako pag ganun...

Sh!t natuluan ng gravy blouse ko! Bummer!!!

Attracting Aversion

To understand ones fears and tribulations is living their world. Understanding where the fear is coming from and why there are certain things in life that they cannot do and they cannot dip their feet into. There are times when there are instances that you wanted to do something about the same fear that you know that someone else is feeling. Sometimes, there are moments wherein you are sure that you wont be wanting someone else to experience the same fear of something because you know that you dont want to experience the same thing and you wont let other experience something that you are avoiding. Sometimes, you are sure that you wont be doing anything to have those fears emerge, and that you are sure that the case would be resting after all.

Sometimes, there are times wherein you are willing to give what it is being asked. Sometimes you are very willing to offer the elimination of this fear. Sometimes you think that you are greatly capable of giving those things since it is the end product and the result of the avoidance of such fears we are talking about.

But most times, you find yourself facing the fears that you are trying to avoid for the other person to have. Most times, it is you who have to experience the fears that the person youre intending not to experience the unavoidable. Something that you are not personally wanting and not wanting for the other person to experience.

Sometimes, someone can be a bringer of what they are trying to avert.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Random Writings: Pleasing

Random Writings: Pleasing: "Dress up, get started. It’s a day for pleasing. Worrying what this endeavor would bring forth. It’s a day for pleasing. Did I do it right? D..."

Monday, July 4, 2011


I have always been inspired to create art. Fascinated by the depth of each artworks, I am drawn inside each of the artists world and also dream that my thoughts and inner emotions be depicted through paintings.

My father is my biggest inspiration. I remember visiting one of my uncles abode in Laguna seeing a painting my father made back in 1965. I was amazed for I never thought my dad also loved making artworks. From then on, my desire to learn and to paint took off.

Without formal education in drawing and painting, I started reading and researching and eventually tried getting my hands into it. Suddenly I found myself purchasing sketchpads and pencils, then charcoals, eventually oil paints, brushes and canvases.

Lately, I spend my time painting and sketching. Most of the time I find my works hideous and unbecoming, but I tried telling myself that there are some artworks being valued so much today that was thought hideous by some like the artworks of Georg Baselitz who by the way is one of the worlds best-selling living artist.

Having the fiery urge to learn some more and to be exposed with people who definitely knows art, I have stumbled upon some people who are forming a group of young talented artist. Luckily I was able to join them and we had our first meet-up last Saturday.

I have always loved Malate area in Manila and I am very glad that the group decided to meet up at Jolibee Kalaw which is just next to Luneta Park. It was sunny and warm and I have been looking forward for this day for weeks.

First I saw was Kuya Nj who was very welcoming . I automatically felt at ease with him. Then the two Ate Lanie's whom I find very charming and fun. Then there was Eba and Fal, our lovely ladies. There's Jams who's not just an artist but a writer as well, and Jethro whose originally from Calbayog and who has presented such wonderful artworks that afternoon.

The group chatted about life and our inspirations, what we do in life and why we joined the group. Amazingly, from simply listening to their stories, I was inspired and I have never felt elated in a long time after that. My mind is filled with thoughts and ideas and I suddenly felt challenged to be good in this craft. Having seen some of their artworks, I have also realized that I need to work hard, double time to keep up with them. My skills are way far from their talents. At some point while all were discussing about mediums, I even questioned my presence there. Why am I even here I asked myself?! Even my doodles looked terribly horrible! But I love how they encourage me to work it out. Alam kong marami pa kong kakaining bigas! :))

Their lives are artworks itself. Each has its own foible qualities which I find really astonishing. These people are really artists. Now I understand what they mean when they say that artists view life differently, and sure these people look at life in a different light.

Time flew by just like that and I havent even noticed that weve been chatting for a long time already. I never wanted that afternoon to end for I still want to continue asking them to feed my thoughts more ideas. We ended that meeting with me musing about the idea that it was quite a long time since I remember seeing myself strive hard to learn something. After I finished that Hanggul classes I took earlier this year (which I never really exerted any effort thus, me forgetting most of the stuff ive learned right now) I have never again tried pushing myself into learning something. I think that the challenge that this presented me is a superb way to put me back on self development.

And yeah I still have to sketch Ate Lanie's portrait to be presented for next months meeting. Darn, ano ba tong napasok ko?! Hahah!