Sunday, March 13, 2011

KISS...

The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

Alright, so here I go again. I know this sounds pretty bad but I thought otherwise. I have begun a beautiful story that would basically end beautifully. I know the ending is not what I really wanted it to be, not the ones that would make me happy but at least the ones that’s gonna make me a better person.

I know I have this all together as long as I analyze every thought I am processing. I know exactly what to do with each predicament I am facing. I know exactly what to say, what to do, how to feel and how to react. All I need is self control, the hardest thing ever.

This as beautiful as this shall be understood. We have to face the fact that not all wonderful things that we think we ought to have shall be ours. Sometimes a piece of cake is served to us but even if we wanted the whole thing, we know that its bad for us. I had my piece, atleast I had what I badly wanted over the weekend.

I still ponder on the kiss. The sweetest kiss I had so far. :)

If I should consider it a dream, it was a sweet dream and a nightmare all at the same time. I have been precariously thinking about how sweet and unfortunate things could be for the whole day. I tried sleeping but thoughts of him still lingers. I wanted to be with him but I know I must not yearn. Its not right.

I don’t want to blame God yet again for this incident. I know that this dilemma has been presented to me once again because I know that I must learn something from this. I learned something alright. I know I did and I know that this made me a better person then again.

More often than not nowadays, I always think that life is unfair for me. I have learned to accept that as a reality and somehow it converted me into believing that things arent gonna go my way all the time. I have a very little capacity to understand the full meaning of things in retrospect but I still struggle to understand each and every occurence of pain in my life.

One of the most blissful weekends so far of my 2011. it was wonderful. :) I am distressed, but at the same time I have found joy in it. If I could have bits and pieces of that and put them all together, it could compose of a great love story. :)

I cant even remember how exactly he looks like. All I remember are the kisses...

Monday, March 7, 2011

TOW (The Other Woman)

Cursed. Hated. Despised. Blamed. The other woman. Have I been the other woman? Yes. A couple of times. Was I aware? No and Yes. Was it a good experience? Blissful. (alright I said that with the bitchiest tone ever)

A sickly Monday evening. I was indulging on self pity as I endure a flu. I still can remember a good bumble with a recent date in which had profusely imagined as "the one". I was awakened by a phone call. A hate phone call. A girlfriend phone call from that man. The thought of a girlfriend perturbed my sanity. A girlfriend? But I thought he was single?! Then she started babbling. Hateful words on me. With a maddening spirit she derailed my personality, and I was like "What???" . She was mad at me, the one who didn’t know that he has a girlfriend, when all the while I am pretty sure that the man he was fighting for knows from the very beginning that he is a relationship. My dream for romance crumbled once more. Yes, that was the end of it. Did I do something about it? Yes, I left. Left them both in a miserable world they are living in. Recent.

In my apartment. Saturday night. We were kissing. I was in love. A thundering cry from our neighbors son ceased our snuggling. Then he uttered "If I have a son, I swear to God, I would never ever hurt him like that." . I thought wow. The man of my dreams. The one who will take care and love our children the way I have always dreamed of how their father would. Weeks after, I heard from a common friend of our that his daughter's christening happened the day after that incident. Yes, I didn’t know he has kids (yes there are two of them) and I didn’t know that he was married for 7 years. Shitty huh? No, no, that’s not yet the shitty part. The shittiest would be, that we continued the relationship for 2 years. Took me 2 good years to say adieu. After knowing he was head over heels with his bestfriend. Yes a lady bestfriend. So there was the wife, the other woman (me) and the bestfriend. (wait was I really the other woman or the the other other woman? ) Pogi nya, kung baga sa babae, ang haba ng hair. Past.

Victim? I would say no. I settled for these men and the most I got was a heartbreak. Did I blamed myself? Not solely. Did I think of them as assholes? For a moment I did.

Are both men happy? I don’t have any idea. I wish they are. Shall I do it again? Being the other woman? No.