A friend of mine whose is currently in a long distance relationship asked me if she's doing the right thing about her relationship. I sensed that she is having troubles keeping up with this. She is New Zealand and her boyfriend is in the US. I asked her to narrate her dilemma and so she did. Then I pointed to her what the real problem was.
She told me that she was told by her boyfriend that he is getting choked up with all the checking up shes doing. Then she asked me, what she should do about it. Ladies read on, hear what I have to say.
While some of us wanted to always be checked up on or wants to check out our partners every so often (that’s to show and to feel that we are loved and taken cared of), some wants to have their own little lives out of the relationship. I remember feeling the same thing with one of my ex boyfriend.
I have been in a brief 3 month relationship with a man which I could say the most blissful relationship I had. (ayan in fairness to him ha. :)) He was 3 years younger than me and I could say that the love we feel for each other is on the top. We were so in love! So in love to the point that we wanted to know all the things that we are doing all times of the day. I enjoyed it at first, it made me feel that I am loved and that I am being taken cared of. He wants to know everything that I do! He must have wanted to be a part of everything in my life! He must have wanted to make sure that I am safe all the time. I enjoyed the attention. It was awesome. But time came when I got all tired of it. Most days we would argue about me not texting him as I get up in the morning (I get up at 4 am to get ready to go to my work early)I didn’t bother texting or calling him some times because I know that he has been busy finishing off some work he has and I know that he sleeps late at night and I don’t want to bother him while he is resting during wee hours in the morning. It appeared to him that I don’t really care about him knowing all the things that I do while on my part, I just wanted him to be comfortable sleeping. I didn’t mean anything bad by not telling me I already got up in the morning but then he took that negatively appearing to him that I don’t give a damn to how he feels. That time I was doing a part time work as well as a tutor during the evenings. What he would do is to pick me up at home by 6, drop me off the condo where my students are living while he would park his car and roam around the mall nearby and wait for me till I finish my tutorial then send me back home or stay with him in his condo. Again at first it seems like so much of a convenience for me but then again eventually I get all chocked up and tired of it. My moves were calculated, my life is very much controlled that time. He even asked me to give up that part time job because he was thinking I don’t have enough time for him (yes I did quit my part time job for him, yeah silly me. ) Time came when I realized that it was too much for me to handle. I need a life of my own. I broke up with him telling him that we both need to grow apart from each other. I told him that we were being too much dependent on each other and for me it isnt healthy.
Going back to my friends problem, what I asked her to do is this, she should lessen her worries and trust her partner more. I know that her case is a pretty difficult one since she is on a LDS but still its not that different as with those people who are having a close distance relationship. One thing that makes us, or our partners be as possessive as this is the lack of trust. If we provide our partners with enough trust and somehow if our partners assures us that he/she can be trusted, sure it would be an easy voyage to go. One needs not to constantly be on check with their partners as long as you bear trust with each other.
Fear is another thing. We try to be as genitive as we are because we are scared that our partners might find someone else or might meet someone more interesting than us. This is where insecurity gets in and trust is broken even further. Fear is brought about by insecurity. Insecurity can be eliminated by being comfortable with ourselves and assure that our partners can have everything from us without being afraid that someone else might give things that we cannot give.
Learn to let go and trust. Learn to set things in moderation. Maybe a call or text of reminders twice or thrice is enough. Some days you could probably extra nosey about things that he/she is doing, but some other days could be minimal. Remember, you don’t have your bf/gf in a leash.