Thursday, October 28, 2010

Gender Roles

Being able to excel in most of the things that only men can do, we women nowadays find it easy to play roles in the society that most people years ago will find gender specific. Men and women have roles that apparently cannot be erased by any diversified and modernized society. Glued with the thought that men do musculine things and women only do feminine things, I tend to differ on some areas in which I have already vocally expressed to some of my friends even before.

I have a strong sense of opinion in which wants me to put into the same level how men and women should act in a specific situation. I know that there are some things that men are "supposed" to be doing but in my opinion women should and could do as well.

I am talking about courtship, or expressing to someone an interest which women cannot openly do. It frustrates me to think that us women cannot pursue someone that we wanted to be in a relationship with. Someone once told me that it is ok for a woman to show a man that she is interested with him, however, a woman should never take the first move in saying that she loves him. She should wait for the man to say those words to her. It makes sense yes, but still, talking about the roles in the society, it seems to be a little odd for a woman to pursue someone specifically a man. Say I am old fashioned but does that move destroys how God created men and women and the parts that they are supposed to be playing?

I am particularly fancying someone as of the moment. I have been vocal on how much I liked him. But that leaves me with much thwarting because I have to stop right there. I cant make the next move. I made him known the fact that I do like him and now, I must wait for him to do the next incite. See this is where I was heading. If I were a boy (Beyonce singing in the background right now…) I could have done something more. Perhaps call him every so often to check up on him. Or send him things that he likes and that would make him feel better. Probably tell him how much I wanted to spend time with him, maybe tell him my plans for him in the future. Maybe ask him questions about his family and his work, tell him how much I wanted to be a part of it. It could be that I could befriend his friends and tell them to make "lakad" to me for him. If he rejects me once, I could still wait for him to realize that I am a valuable woman and that I would do all things possible just for me to be with him. I could make him think that I am sincere with my intentions. All these things a man can easily do (unless he is very torpe) and is acceptable for everyone, but not for a lady like me. Men can get away with their lady beloved. It is easy for them to do that since they have the green lights to do those things. Because they are men.

Probably if you're a guy and you are reading this, you could be thinking that a women who will do such thing is desperate! You could be asking, why is she doing those things when in fact she should wait for a man to do those things to her?! Well that is exactly my point! We cannot do those things simply because it is morally unacceptable for a woman like me to act as a man in the play of courtship. And yeah this is what frustrates me the most.

It bilks me to think that I have to stop in a specific step and not proceed to the next because I am expected to stay where I am. I am a go getter, and I would be proud to say that I do get what I want. Not this time and not in this situation. There is nothing I could do but to wait for the next move coming from the other side. If the moves are not executed then the game for me is definitely over.

If you were to ask me what I will do with the lucky man im liking right now? I would say id do nothing. Probably wait. Or just dismiss the emotions, ignore him maybe. Or?!.....

Monday, October 25, 2010

Love Language

Im not a relationship expert. Ive never even have a close to perfect relationship instead I have been through terrible ones, although I could say that all of them were blissful, (alright I'll get into that some other time soon).

I used to always aspire to be in a relationship. Be with someone that I can share my life with. I used to share that aspiration with a friend. I said how nice it would be to be with someone who can share your life with! I was unlucky in that department and so I let go of that thought. Then I started loving being alone. :)

One thing I learned about being with someone is the art of compromise and acceptance. Accept your partner for who he is. Accept the things that he can and he cant do. Accept the things that he cannot give you, accept the things that you don’t want in him, accept everything that he can and he cant be. Learn to study your partner. Learn to know in what way he shows his love to you so you would understand his love language. We all have different love languages and so you cant just say that your love language is the same as his. If you’re the type who showers your partner with sweet nothings and praises of how adorable and sexy and wonderful he is, well don’t expect your partner will do the same if he isnt the type of person whose vocal about those things. He could be showing you how much he adores you in a fairly different manner as you were expecting.

Ive went out with a guy who rarely told me how beautiful I am. (I don’t mind because I know I am, kidding. ) but would always touch my hair and kiss my eyes for him to know he likes those things in me. I had a boyfriend on the other hand who constantly says how he thinks im beautiful and how he adores me. I totally dig how different they were and I do appreciate that they profess their admiration in different ways. We all have to study our partner. Weve got to know their behavior, how they would handle things in a relationship, how they are when theyre mad and how they are when they are happy. More often than not, the problem with is ladies is that we constantly seek assurance from our partners which basically don’t happen that much since you are dating a guy! (unless youre dating Cassannova who uses words to always swoon his partners)

The love language we all possess is different from one person to another. No two persons are alike in this. You are not your boyfriend/girlfriend. You don’t expect he/she would do the things your doing to him/her just because youre giving it out to him/her. :)

for my lalove Reign... He does love you. :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Now this is REALLY about you!!!!

Im done with you. Im done with the both of you. I have been done with this a long time ago. Case closed, arguments no more. Its done. He's yours, you’re his'. What to fret about with that? No need to send me mails. No need to contact me in any way. No need to be affected for I am a nobody. I am no one. Someone who has no bearing in your relationship. Say that im a bitch that’s fine. I could be if you wanted me to, and if I wanted to. But I choose not to. You need to pick up the pieces. Stop thinking that I am a threat. Ive got issues of my own and I would want to settle them for now. Please help me with this by ignoring me. Im begging to be ignored. My life is a struggle. From the past hurts I have had. I know you both are hurt as well, were all victims here. But why don’t we just pray? Pray for each one?

I lost in this. I did. You both win. For hurting me. For hurting each other. What shall we do then? Hurt each other more? I don’t think that it’s the perfect solution. Please stop tormenting me with your lament. Again if I have hurted you in any way, I didn’t mean it. Believe me I didn’t. After the blog, ive never thought about you. Promise I never thought about you guys then again. When I said something in my twit, its not for you but for someone else. Please believe me. Please stop dunning me for words that I said that was not meant for you. Please don’t shoulder everything. Again, not every single thing I say is about you. But this time, everything that I say here is ALL ABOUT YOU. But I say this will be the very last time I will ever say anything about you anymore in any way. So stop claiming. Capisce?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tu Risa

More often than not, I still find myself thinking about the last guy ive went out with. To think about it, I never really had a chance to think about the situation we have been because of moms stroke. I don’t really know if it is a good or a bad thing for me.

I can vividly remember the night that I have received a phone call with the news. It felt like I was dreaming since I was awaken from sleep that time. It felt like it was some sort of a sick joke. A joke that I never thought will be cracked to me once again. It was an unfamiliar yet familiar feeling. I cried that night blaming myself and not anybody. I felt guilt, I hated myself for letting it happen to me and to the person whom I have unconsciously have hurted. I was not blaming anyone that time, and even now. I was just blaming myself for everything.

Weeks have passed and I still think about the situation. Earlier this morning I was feeling happy and contented with my state right now and I thought that everything happened for a reason. I was saved from a lot of things. From investing my emotions, for embarrassment.

It hasn’t been an easy journey being with that man. It took time and a lot of courage for me to open up my heart once more. I can say I never really think ill about him after all that happened. I have happy thoughts thinking about the times that we have spent. Every emotions I felt for him was surreal and I was happy. Its like a portion of my book giving me great lessons. Its like an episode in my life's series. He's like Carrie Bradshaw's Berger, brief but sweet. And for that, I am thankful.

Never did I think that what he felt for me were untrue. Never did I feel that hes faking anything he showed me. Never did I feel that I was never loved. Maybe its just me and my impeccable notion on being truthful and believing in things felt. The songs, the poems, the words were all sweet. It was a beautiful thing I have felt.

I asked at some point. Why did he do that to me? Why did he make me open up and leave just like that? Why did he lie about everything? After knowing things, what made me furious is the fact that I was lied on. I asked from the very beginning, but in the end, it all went the wrong way still. Maybe its just me, not him for I know that he keeps on telling me its of great difficulty if we try to be together. He told me I don’t deserve him, a young woman like me deserve better. He was right all along. I should have listened to him from the start. I should have believed in him for he was right. He knew better. To think about it, he somehow didn’t lie to me from the start. Thing is, he just cant tell it straight into my face. He loved me, he liked me the very least. I loved him, I think I still do and certainly he will remain to be loved all my life. I don’t care about his state in life or whatever that is that makes him feel less of a man. It never made me change the way I see him as a person. I still think he's an angel sent for me. What I care about are the people I have hurt in the process.

Moving on then again, it felt good. Ending a segment in my life opened up a new one. I am alone again and it doesn’t feel lonely in here at all. Im loving this. Even wishing I would stay here for a moment.