Sunday, March 7, 2010

WAIT!!! Should i? or should I not?


Patience is a virtue. I say its shit.

I have been practicing the virtue of patience for the longest time that I can ever think of and I would be lying if I say that I have improved in any way possible. Sure I understood things more better and sure I have made some conclusions and formed some ideals about the practice but still I think that being patient leads me into nothing but a change of heart or even disapointment.

Trying my luck in the love department after a silly breakup with a relationship that im not suppose to be in with in the first place was a zipping decision. I thought that it could be the answer , a solution that might have lessen my ordeal of breaking up with the love of my life. Well, I didn’t just jump off the first man that courts me. Ive found someone whom I thought would be the person that might end my heartbreak. But then I was wrong.

It was a test of patience and I know I have failed for letting my feelings be involve in another relationship that fast. I was still coping up, trying to understand why my last relationship didn’t work out (although I know its really not gonna work out)but then I risked everything yet again.

Alright the test of patience is really a tough one and I know in must say that I should have waited a little bit longer before all of these. I didn’t regret it though. Maybe that’s one drill that would help me understand the virtue more.

Now im more comfortable having the time alone and to think. Maybe the saying was right. " pag walang tyaga, walang nilaga". I might be learning the hard way.

I might fancy a lot of guys right now (indeed some are really to fancy about. Haha!), I might think that having some time alone basically would be the right thing for me to do. Yes im loving it. Spending some quality time with my friends and specially myself but at the back of my mind, I still aspire to have someone for me to love…

He asked me to wait for him. As soon as I heard the word WAIT, a flicker of heat burst into my head. Me? Wait? Does he have an idea that it is a word that im dreading? Did it ever cross his mind that I have not enough patience to wait? Say its selfish but I really do hate waiting. It’s a waste of time! And for me time is precious. I could have done more progress with my life than sitting down and waiting for something. I want action. I want results. I want it progressive.

But then why did I say yes? Why did I tell him that im gonna wait for him to fix everything? Why did I tell him that sure im gonna wait? Why did it seem so easy for me to agree to test my patience?

I don’t want to talk about love of feel anything about that. I think that my emotional condition right now has been stable for quite a few weeks and I think that it’s a healthy place and that I should be staying here for quite some time. But why did I say YES?

Not a guaranty for him I know. What if I meet someone? What if that someone turns out to be "the" someone that I really wanted to have? (now im thinking about Cassanova). What if I rushed and jump into this new one again?

Oh boy you have to act fast. When I say fast, I mean VERY fast...

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