Emotional abuse that we personally cause…

I know that I have learned a lot of lessons from my past relationships. Those heartbreaks leads me not into nothing but into something. Now I know how to have my guard up and I know how to control my emotions.

I have been wanting to fall in love again. I wanted to finally experience a love that is true and the love that is mine. I am in a situation wherein I have been aspiring to feel this emotions. I wanted to give this special someone my love, and I badly wanted to fall in love with him. The thing is, I CANT.

I cant because he gives me a lot of reason not to fully be in love with him. He gives me things to think about, things to doubt about, things to reflect about. Its saddens me but at the same time it made me proud of myself. At least now I know how to have everything under my control.

I have grown so much from all the heartaches I have had. I had learned to take care of my emotions. Just a few moments ago I have pondered about not being abusive to my emotions.

If I let myself fall in love too much with this person, and obviously right at this moment , I know and I do have an idea that he is not really serious with me, it would basically mean im abusing my emotions. I have to treat my feelings with care and respect so as not to be hurt that much. I have an idea on what is going to happen if I continue letting myself fall in love with someone not even close to the person I am aspiring to be with for the rest of my life. I know it would be an abuse if I let myself hope for something unreachable. I know hat this person is only playing with my heart, and so why would I still be in contact? It is worthless to be wasting time with someone not even daring to give you a bit of his time.

I have to take care of my emotions, making sure that I still have respect for myself and for the person (if ever there is really someone to come my way) who will really love me. I have to atleast spare something for that worthy person and not give everything for someone I am aware not giving a damn to me.

It is wise to do that so I wont have to situate hatred or angst inside my heart. Its is wise not to do that for me to stay positive and happy.