Friday, July 17, 2009

of uncertainties and hurt...

Its not because i think he is cheating. He has been cheating eversince, maybe not on me, but with me. Its not a question if he is a cheater or not because the answer is definitely yes. Its not because I have been feeling and sensing some emotions that I dont like and that I am afraid that what I feel is what it is. It is because he wont be able to give me what I needed in a relationship. It is because I cannot plan my future with him because theres definitely nothing for us in hand and that he never even tries to plan something that includes me. It is because I am too sensitive for his insensitivity. Is it because he does not have enough time for me, time that I wanted and time that is convenient for me, not always for him. It is because I wanted more and I deserve more. It is because I am not happy, and I am just trying to be happy for the sake of being happy. It is because I want something that is solely mine. I am tired but not tired enough to let go. I wish to be finally exhausted. For me to finally give up. I wanted to let this go without bearing any pain. I want this to end without feeling uncertain that it could have worked out if i stayed. I want this to be easy. I hope it would be. I wish it would be.

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