Friday, July 17, 2009

of uncertainties and hurt...

Its not because i think he is cheating. He has been cheating eversince, maybe not on me, but with me. Its not a question if he is a cheater or not because the answer is definitely yes. Its not because I have been feeling and sensing some emotions that I dont like and that I am afraid that what I feel is what it is. It is because he wont be able to give me what I needed in a relationship. It is because I cannot plan my future with him because theres definitely nothing for us in hand and that he never even tries to plan something that includes me. It is because I am too sensitive for his insensitivity. Is it because he does not have enough time for me, time that I wanted and time that is convenient for me, not always for him. It is because I wanted more and I deserve more. It is because I am not happy, and I am just trying to be happy for the sake of being happy. It is because I want something that is solely mine. I am tired but not tired enough to let go. I wish to be finally exhausted. For me to finally give up. I wanted to let this go without bearing any pain. I want this to end without feeling uncertain that it could have worked out if i stayed. I want this to be easy. I hope it would be. I wish it would be.

Monday, July 6, 2009

This Crappy Thing called LOVE

I have never really thought about being with someone to share my lfe with. I am very much at ease with my life alone, as a single person. I can only think about myself and not worry about other people. For me, my life is just me, myself and I.

Being cheesy is not my thing either. I hate watching anything romantic. I hate reading novels that talks about love and how amazing it is. I hate to listen to songs of undying love and devotion. I think that its overrated. I think that its too mainstream, and Lord knows how I despise anything mainstream.

Then I met someone who I liked very much., and I do think that I like him very very much. He is all I think of. Am I inlove? Maybe not. Maybe yes.

I had experienced waking up seeing his face first thing. It felt so good seeing him before I close my eyes to sleep and seeing him as well first thing in the morning. He is all I ever wanted.

I badly wanted to tell him how much I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.That I would sacrifice everything and would endure anything just for us to be together. But how can I do that if its impossible?

Does he love me the way I love him? Did he felt the same hapiness as I did when we were together? Does he yearn for me if im not around?

Is he with me because he cannot live without me? Or is he with me because he is just having fun? Is he with me because he needs me? Is he with me because he just simply love me?

When will I know the answers? Do I look like a fool? I sure do.