Alright, I know that I shouldn’t be very demanding nor very melodramatic about my relationship. Well my relationship isn't really the conventional one unlike everybody else in this world might be having. It is indeed difficult to set rules or certain standards on something that is non specificable in the precepts of what a relationship is. The demands for quality time, or sweetness, or companionship on certain events with the family and with friends. These are some of the things that I particularly have in mind when you are in a said normal relationship. It is fulfilled if you are in that kind of normalness, but in my kind of peculiarity in my own relationship, indeed these things will sound as if they are demands.
I have been believing the principle of the law of attraction. I have just been patiently waiting for the universe to align itself and to make things work for me and for the things that I like without any force. But sometimes I am thinking about the things that I ought to be receiving and the things that I am suppose to be asking for. I don’t want to ask anything for I wanted everything to be given to me wholeheartedly.
It is true also that one should not be comparing the things that he/she is having from other people. Individualism is what's going on with these instance. What I am having is very different in many different ways from other people. My emotions and my inclinations are definitely different from their own, thus I am not suppose to ask for things that they are having because it may not be as pleasing for me as it was for them.
But sometimes, time comes when I wonder if I am suppose to be as lenient as I am right now in terms of asking my partner for I know is "petty" for him. There are certain factors that triggered my unwillingness to ask in becoming an arising curiosity. Comparison is one, being unhappy is the second.
If someone asks me if I am unhappy, well in fairness to my partner, I would say that I am not. I am happy when I am with him, I am happy with the thought that I am in love, I am happy with the thought that I could plan a future that includes him, I am happy simply saying that I think he does love me. But sometimes these statements leads me to thinking the other way around. What happens when I am not with him anymore, when we go home after seeing each other? Am I going to stay in love with him for a long time? Am I still going to plan my future with him when in fact I am uncertain if he does plan his future that includes me? These are unsealed things which makes it a little difficult for me to digest.
I am not getting any younger, and admittedly I haven't had a stable relationship. Maybe I am yearning for one that’s why I am feeling this certain incertitude such as this one.
So when is the right time for me to ask some sweetness from my partner? Or will i? am I suppose to ask? Or that’s already out of the question since this is one unconventional relationship I am having?
Am I hoping for this to be read by him and for him to make a move about this? Or am I hoping for him not to read this and instead realizing my needs?