Alright, I know that I shouldn’t be very demanding nor very melodramatic about my relationship. Well my relationship isn't really the conventional one unlike everybody else in this world might be having. It is indeed difficult to set rules or certain standards on something that is non specificable in the precepts of what a relationship is. The demands for quality time, or sweetness, or companionship on certain events with the family and with friends. These are some of the things that I particularly have in mind when you are in a said normal relationship. It is fulfilled if you are in that kind of normalness, but in my kind of peculiarity in my own relationship, indeed these things will sound as if they are demands.
I have been believing the principle of the law of attraction. I have just been patiently waiting for the universe to align itself and to make things work for me and for the things that I like without any force. But sometimes I am thinking about the things that I ought to be receiving and the things that I am suppose to be asking for. I don’t want to ask anything for I wanted everything to be given to me wholeheartedly.
It is true also that one should not be comparing the things that he/she is having from other people. Individualism is what's going on with these instance. What I am having is very different in many different ways from other people. My emotions and my inclinations are definitely different from their own, thus I am not suppose to ask for things that they are having because it may not be as pleasing for me as it was for them.
But sometimes, time comes when I wonder if I am suppose to be as lenient as I am right now in terms of asking my partner for I know is "petty" for him. There are certain factors that triggered my unwillingness to ask in becoming an arising curiosity. Comparison is one, being unhappy is the second.
If someone asks me if I am unhappy, well in fairness to my partner, I would say that I am not. I am happy when I am with him, I am happy with the thought that I am in love, I am happy with the thought that I could plan a future that includes him, I am happy simply saying that I think he does love me. But sometimes these statements leads me to thinking the other way around. What happens when I am not with him anymore, when we go home after seeing each other? Am I going to stay in love with him for a long time? Am I still going to plan my future with him when in fact I am uncertain if he does plan his future that includes me? These are unsealed things which makes it a little difficult for me to digest.
I am not getting any younger, and admittedly I haven't had a stable relationship. Maybe I am yearning for one that’s why I am feeling this certain incertitude such as this one.
So when is the right time for me to ask some sweetness from my partner? Or will i? am I suppose to ask? Or that’s already out of the question since this is one unconventional relationship I am having?
Am I hoping for this to be read by him and for him to make a move about this? Or am I hoping for him not to read this and instead realizing my needs?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I had a dose of nostalgia today. I then remebered the 90's. Oh the good old 90's
It was the era when MTV is hot and the boybands were gods. It was the time when I was young and happy and i have very simple dreams. Thats the time when life was less complicated, that was when all i think about is how to pass the exams, to go to a good school in college. It was simple, and today I remember everything I felt that time. The "kilig" felt from seeing the highschool crush, the things me and my barkada were talking about, i smell once again the cologne i was using that time. Hay, what a nice time in my life...
Then the BOYBANDS flashing through my memories along with those thoughts. Everything 90's was POP! I so love the silly boyband dance moves.Im so into the whole swimming pool thing where they wear white shirts and they look oh so hot in their thin boy next door physique. I so love it when they sing in the rain, the way they point their fingers towards the camera as if they were singing to you, looking into your eyes. *sigh*
Ooops, time for a meeting now. Back to reality once again. But damn it felt good! Enjoy!!!
1. is there someone out there - code red
2. can we talk - code red
3. say it once - ULTRA
4. all i have to give - BSB
5. tearin up my heart - n sync
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I have been preparing weddings. Coordinating it, handling every single detail for a perfect wedding a couple would worry about. I have been to numerous weddings of course. Different kinds I may say. It made me think of visualizing and planning my own wedding.
Earlier this month, I cant stop imagining my perfect wedding. My good friend Tara can attest to that. Everything, from the color motif to the venue, to the very littlest wedding detail is all ready!
I have always been a beach bum and I have always loved the beach. Guess what? I want a beach wedding.! I want turquoise for my motif, it looks lovely on the beach. I want to wear a very simple white sundress, I want my groom to wear a simple white summer shirt, we would both be wearing flip flops for our footwear. Same thing with all our entourage and our guest. I want them to wear anything summery and comfortable, no gowns, no tuxedos, just simple summer outfits would do. I want it to be just before the sunset so that the backdrop will be perfect. I want lots of starfishes for the decoration.
I imagine that it would be a perfect summer day. I imagine a very intimate wedding, just me and my grooms closest relatives and friends. I want everything to be fun. I want house music playing on the background as we have the wedding party. I want the wedding to be comfortable both for me, my groom and our guests. I want my wedding day to be spent like a summer holiday for everyone who eill attend. Wow, I think that it would be really awesome!!!
Now all I have to do is to find a groom… :)
Friday, June 5, 2009
Amidst all troubles about my infuriating love-hate relationship with my own love life, something that makes me happy came across my senses again….
Looking back when I was not thinking about these thing called LOVE (bakit kasi naiisip pa yang bagay na yan eh…) I was a party girl (and that was I think about 3 months ago, lol). The inner party girl in me wants to be unleashed again!!!
Early this morning, I was browsing my facebook when I saw a reply from one of my favorite artist BASSMONKEYS about a comment I have posted to them. They've replied to me, and it was like, OH MY GOD!!!
My eyes cant believe it! I will cherish that conversation for the rest of my life! Someday, when im old, I would be able to tell my grandchildren this: "mga apo, nung kabataan ni lola eh big fan talaga ako ng mga yan, at akalain nyo ba? Nag usap kami sa facebook!" by that time they will be legends!!! I swear I was in ecstasy while I was reading it!
I missed the Gatecrashers party that was held last March I think. My last big party was when Hed kandi was here in manila. I truly enjoy the music and I so love Mark Doyle a lot. Now im craving for the bass, the lights, the sweat, the people, the high…
Kaskade will be here in manila on the 13th. Damn I wanted to go, like badly wanted to go. Well im still trying to convince my best party buddy Yein. Hopefully we will be there…
Party party! I need some dancing. It makes me happy. Dreamland...