Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Cheat Sheet

Just recently, A person who is most endeared by a friend of mine passed away. This person is one those people who I look up to. I never met her, (though I was honored to have seen her later only in a lamentable state, that is inside her last place on earth, her deathbox)
Just like the great Sigmund Freud, or Jane Austen, Shirley Didi Grego is one of the person who’s words made markings in my memory. Her daughter, Tara, that I considered one of the truest friends tells me great tales about her mother. I console in her words through her daughter. Things that she has been telling her made so much impact in my precepts in life, especially in my relationships. One of the assertions that she made, which had made a mark in my memory is a principle about cheating.

“Maganda ka man, o pangit, sexy o mataba, mayaman o mahirap, basta lolokohin ka, lolokohin ka talaga.”

I mused on that idea. True enough. I have known people who are almost perfect, rich, young, beautiful, successful, and yet they are still being cheated on by their mates. I’ve know people who are old and weary, found a suppose real love and yet still being left on. I have heard stories about cheating with their neighbors, specially those living in slums, that despite of poverty and because of the grace of lust still commit such offense. Everyday, everywhere, we all can hear stories about cheating.

Once when I was in my early teens, I have already pondered on this. I remember falling in love with a playboy. We never had a relationship but the thought of him being mine is desired deeply. But the fact that I have been seeing him with many women, flirting and messing around was a great pain. I have thought of my father, in his younger years when he had left my mother desquieted by not going home early only to be found in a beerhouse , coquetting with some young women. These had constructed my conclusion that men are generally polygamous. But, at the end of the day, as what my father did, he want back to the arms of my loving mother. I had thought about my boy at that time, if he really likes me, or if it is us who are really meant for each other, then all these girls are nothing to him, in the end, he will love me, and only me. (awa ng Dyos, marami pa rin syang babae hanggang ngayon. Haha)

There’s much more in the situation where cheating is involved. We have got to look at the roots of the problem. In marriage, primarily its dissatisfaction, emotionally, financially and most especially sexually. For young ones, maybe it’s the thirst for adventure or for fun. For the rest particularly for the boys, it’s the machismo that plays a big role in their attitude towards cheating. Having more than one relationship is an indication of manhood, and that’s what’s pushing them in chicaning their mates.

For me, cheating in any scale is inevitable in a relationship. Once, or twice, you will find your partner, or yourself cheating. It is hard to control such situations. People most of the time would tell the alibi “ tao lang naman ako, nagkakasala din”. For me? That’s definitely not an excuse. Flirting occasionally is ok, but not to the point of cheating. It is painful. It takes a lot of effort to have the wounds of cheating be healed, and the scars would stay there forever.
I have always put in mind what Mrs. Grego said. Thinking about it, I knew that we should not act so comfortable in our relationships, even if everything is going on smoothly. Negativity still persist in my opinion now, but I know that everyone would not be in their comfort zones as long as there are chances of cheating.

Bear trust. Maybe that’s all we need to make anything work.


- For the loving memory of Mrs. Shirley Didi Grego. Thank you for the words of wisdom…

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